Oftentimes we agree to ignore each other when one of us asks a space for personal peace- for matters of the heart mostly. You, without question, or so they say, without any violent reaction easily agree. I block you, you block me and it’s done. Haven’t thought of asking you if you should ever be okay with it. That night was…
A few hours later, I seem to regret what I’ve asked for, but pride seems overwhelming that I took our friendship so lightly, then I realized now that I know you better than I know myself for being rue that I am so bitter at this expense. So regretful, that I miss the waiting, the excitement while waiting, the fire after the waiting.
I know I am absurd, I wouldn’t argue. But I don’t know where am taking the courage from, and being confident that everything will be the same as I used to say, “it will soon be okay.” And yeah, it happens when one of us reaches out while throwing out one’s fouling ego.
I find that the kind of friendship we have is so rare thus, to utter an apology is unnecessary, only one word matters, then so normal is when we say we “miss each other well,” and the talk is liven up by telling each other’s story. That’s a great cycle that went on for years between us.
Until recently, I feel that the cycle has been broken, that’s when regret took over me. Am no longer confident that things will go back to the way it was. It’s like our hands are slowly unclasping, that were once tightly locked with each others hand; the hugs are a little lighter and loose; your tone was more cranky rather than stable. Everything’s different that night, might be the timing wasn’t right?
I shouldn’t have proposed cutting each other’s out, when am the one who’s losing control because I know now our friendship is priceless, and nothing can compare to it…
Your forbearance is my low key, which am hoping am not lost somewhere else than with you.
This is my real bottleneck that no other boost can make me feel okay, but only, by forgiving me, my “unwonted friend.”